Saturday, May 26, 2012

Seducing Storm part II: Oh oh Ororo

It must be hard being Ororo Munroe... Being a natural beauty is bound to guarantee you plenty of unwanted attention... Even when Storm went hardcore punk in the early 80s, she was still besieged by enamored baddies.



Still, the first one to fall for Storm in her new guise wasn't a real bad guy at all, even though he accidentally hurt her more than most villains ever could.


Forge was first introduced as a mutant working for the US government, using his genetic gift for inventing to combat the Dire Wraith threat... Yet, he was also asked to develop a weapon that would cancel out mutant powers. Originally, it was intended to neutralise Rogue, but Storm was the one who accidentally got shot.

Feeling guilty, Forge took the now depowered Storm in, but guilt soon turned to lust...


Unaware of the fact Forge was the one responsible for her power loss, Storm slowly allowed herself to develop feelings for that kind, sweet man.

Yet, when I first read these issues as a kid, I couldn't shake the feeling there was something a bit off about the Storm/Forge. Especially when Barry Windsor-Smith drew Forge, it just felt wrong to have him in scenes like these...



Forge looked oddly familiar, yet at the time I couldn't quite put my finger on it... Ow, wait. Yeah... 



"Momma... Gyrich just shot Storm... Pulled my gun against her friend, pushed the trigger now her powers are dead... Momma.... Oeeeh-hooo-hooo..."

The affair between Storm and Forge didn't end well, but not because Forge discovered he was gayer than the actual Freddy Mercury. Which is quite the feat, considering 80s coloring made Forge look positively pink. 

And then there was this scene from Uncanny X-men annual # 11, which saw baddie Horde promise this to Storm, after beating her up for a bit.



Raping and groping is okay, just as long as you promise you're gonna be making an honest woman out of your victim...

Moving on to yet another annual and a deity with the hots for the former windrider...Enter Loki, Asgardian god of mischief who had studied her from afar and was so taken with her, he had her kidnapped to Asgard so he could properly... court her.


Now, I know what you're saying: "Jeez, how could Chris ever criticise the treatment of Ms. Marvel back in Avengers # 200, when he has Loki do the exact same thing to Storm?!"

Ow, no one was saying that? Well... Moving on then. Loki sensed just how much Storm missed her mutant abilities, so he did what all scheming, seducing god types tend to do... He offered Ororo her heart's desire... at a price. She accepted his proposal and he had an enchanted, weather controlling mallet made for her, not unlike the one his foster brother Thor carries.

All of this was part of Loki's grand plan to use Storm as his mind controlled goddess of thunder...



Fair's fair, she does look good wielding all that godlike power. But, despite his mind control, she willingly gave up her claim to (false) godhood when Loki almost had her kill Wolverine.

Not long after she returned from Asgard, Storm became the plaything of the next mind controlling villain. The X-men received word on their associate Allison Blaire, better known as Dazzler. Apparently, she'd been taken over by the mind controlling Marauder Malice, who was capable of jumping from person to person, until she finally hit home...



Unfortunately for poor old Malice, Storm wasn't caught quite so easily...


Unfortunately for poor old Malice, Storm wasn't quite so easily ensnarled... She escaped from Malice's clutches, realising she needed her weather control powers back in order to do some actual good. This prompted her to go search out Forge, which caused her to catch the Adversary's attention. The who now? In a nutshell; another supervillain who turned out to be super into her, as chronicled here...

The Adversary, disguised as Forge's mentor Nazé, quite openly lusted after her. He didn't even try to hide or downplay his interest...


... Still, everyone has his or her breaking point... even outer dimensional chaos demons. So, it isn't any wonder the Adversary soon opted for a more direct approach...


It goes without saying that the Adversary's love for Storm wasn't reciprocated. Bad choice, Ororo... You could have been a universal evil's main squeeze. Maybe you should have accepted, after all... its not like you're getting any younger. Case in point, the next time a major baddie decided to have Ororo for his queen, she wasn't even his first, let alone only choice...


As part of the 1989 annual crossover Atlantis Attacks, Chris Claremont offered up Storm as one of the seven brides of Set, mind controlled heroines who would serve as hosts for the elder god Set's children upon his return to Earth.

Set was dealth with pretty smoothly and with the 1990s fast approaching, Chris Claremont's initial run on the X-men was winding down. Sure, he had Storm attacked and mind controlled by Nanny and Orphan Maker before he had her changed into a kid and hounded by not only the Genoshan Magistrate, a Cyborg Cameron Hodge and the Shadow King himself... But none of them wanted to marry her outright...

Claremont left the X-universe alone from 1991 to early 2000. In that time, Storm didn't really change all that much. Sure, she got a few new costumes, a couple of interesting hair dos, but no baddie would even try and court her...

That all changed in 2001, when Claremont returned to the realm of X... After a relatively unsuccesful relaunch of the two top tier X-titles... Chris was offered X-treme X-men, a new X-book that allowed him to hand pick his favorite characters as they went on a global search for Irene Adler's destiny diaries.

Their adventures led the X-treme Team to Madripoor, where their adventures were rudely interrupted by the interdimensional alien ruler Khan... He had picked Madripoor as a beach head for his invasion force that was ready to conquer Earth by dropping his forces from giant space tethers.

During their initial confrontation, Storm caught Khan's eye. He took Storm captive and attempted to court her... She seemed perfect for his harem, nay, even better: she was to be his next queen.



But Storm wasn't really into his intergalactic sweet talk... Not even when her life depended on it...



Its been said that love hurts, but this is ridiculous... Storm's defiance resulted in a big plunge that caused a spinal cord injury, confining her to a wheelchair for a while.

After Khan and his invasion forces were chased from Earth, Storm and her team caught up with the other X-men. X-treme X-men # 19 featured a joyful reunion that dovetailed Claremont's soft spot for Storm's baddie betrothal...



"Doesn't EVERY bad guy worth the name?"
Good point there, Wolverine... especially considering the scene that followed this...



Wait, say wha?




 "Does this happen often? Actually, YES."

Truer words were never spoken, because not long after that, Storm once again fell prey to a fawning bad guy...

During the events of the X-treme X-men arc Storm: The Arena, Storm and Callisto found themselves captives of the former Morlock Masque, fighting for their very lives in a Fight Club inspired Arena in which mutants and meta humans fought each other for the amusement of the filthy rich. Masque ran one of these arenas, using his powers to transform himself from a disfigured bald man into a beautiful blonde babe.

Despite having everything he/she ever wanted, Masque was still obsessed with getting his revenge on Storm and Callisto...



Ow, yes... the theme of this blogpost was supervillains who wanted Storm. Well, Masque enjoyed getting Storm to beg for mercy thanks to the mind controlling villains Purge and Paradise. But at heart he/she remained a businessman. So, when a former foe of Storm's offered to buy her, Masque was all ready to talk turkey...



But before Voge got his hands on her, Masque had Storm and Callisto embark on a farewell tour. This allowed Storm to break free of course. But not before we come full circle and see this again...



Shortly after X-treme X-men ended, Chris Claremont returned to Uncanny X-men and his attention shifted from Storm to Sage and Rachel Grey.

Storm hasn't really complained, tho... She eventually married her childhood sweetheart T'Challa the Black Panther, courtesey of an origin story Chris Claremont wrote back in Classic X-men and its been smooth sailing for her ever since. Nowadays, Ororo's a queen, an X-man, an Avenger and even a former member of the Fantastic Four.

In other words, it takes a lot of wrong turns before you're on the path to Mr. Right... So, thanks for matchmaking, Mister Claremont!

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

You skipped Sebastian Shaw, a 90's baddie who did try to court Storm with drugged roses to became his Black Queen or something. X-Men Annual #3 1994.

Anonymous said...

^Shenobi Shaw, actually, Sebastian's son.

Jef Willemsen said...

Thanks for adding that particular tidbit :-) I decided not to include any of the pre or post Claremont Storm hookups because, well, this *is* a Claremont blog.

Lee Winters said...

Marvel writers are pretty twisted. That's one of the reasons I quit reading.

Runya EithelNar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Runya EithelNar said...

And later she and Black Panther divorced and she came back to mohawk and was with Wolverine...