Kitty's Mind Controlled Fairy Tale

Sometimes the most whimsical of tales can prove the most fruitful... Case in point: 1981's Uncanny X-men # 153, better known as Kitty's Fairytale.

"And now for something completely different!" 

With all due respect to Monty Python, Claremont did in fact use a completely new narrative when he had Kitty Pryde tell a bedtime story to Colossus infant sister Illyana Rasputin. The fairy tale featured all the X-men in different, yet familiar roles.

Kitty played a swashbuckling pirate, Colossus was her lover and comrade in arms, Wolverine was a loveable (notice the tiny purple hat) savage, Storm showed up as Windrider, a genie trapped in a bottle (nice reference to Storm's claustrophobia).

Nightcrawler served as inspiration for the cuddly creature called Bamf and even the X-men's trusty SR-71 Blackbird jet played a part, as the giant dragon Lockheed who semi grudgingly carried everyone around on his back.

The villain of the piece was Jean Grey, who got possessed by the evil Phoenix entity and threatened to destroy the world. In the end, Kitty and the others managed to defeat Phoenix and restore Jean to normal. One can't help but notice how Claremont used this opportunity to retell the ending of the original Dark Phoenix Saga the way he had planned before then editor in chief Jim Shooter stepped in.

Still, for such a sweet, little done in one story, Kitty's Fairy Tale had quite a few lasting effects.

For instance: the notion of Kitty having a temperamental dragon for a pet apparently tickled Claremont, eventually culminating in the introduction of Lockheed in 1983's Uncanny X-men # 166. 

Another unexpected break out character was Bamf. Artist Dave Cockrum was so taken with the cartoonish depiction of Nightcrawler, he created an entire race of these fun loving imps when he wrote the 1985 Nightcrawler limited series. The Bamfs have proven popular ever since and are nowadays popping up regularly in the pages of Wolverine & The X-men. 

"Mind control me!"
Heh. Clever.

But it all started with this scene from Uncanny X-men # 168. 

All in all, the impact of Kitty's one off bedtime story had not been ignored by both fans and creators. And, as Uncanny X-men Annual # 8 would prove, Illyana hadn't forgotten it either. Which says a lot, considering she spent most of her childhood and adolescene fighting for her life as a demon's apprentice in Limbo.

Nevertheless, after a campfire cook out with the X-men and the New Mutants, Illyana was all set to tell the unofficial sequel to Kitty's fairytale...  But this time, there was some mind control involved. Which makes sense, considering it was basically a re-telling of Kitty's rather violent history with Emma Frost, the telepathic White Queen of the Hellfire Club... IN SPAAAAACE!

In this particular tale, Kitty is the only child of the shipmaster of the giant space ship Chicago, that found itself under attack by the Hellfire Club somewhere in deep space. The ship was boarded and soon the evil leaders of the Club presented themselves.

"You, dear Katherine, like this precious vessel... Now belong to us."

When Chris Claremont is writing, you can be sure this means there's going to be at least a little mind control. And yes, despite Kitty's bravado... The White Queen tried to claim the young child.

Its interesting to note that 15 years before Grant Morrison would turn Emma Frost into a living diamond in New X-men, Claremont already incorporated that element into her backstory. The shock of being enslaved and transformed caused Kitty to manifest her phasing abilites and she escaped. She managed to join some space pirates led by the dragon Lockheed who sought to oppose the White Queen and the Hellfire Club. They accepted Kitty as one of their own and in the months that followed, trained her so she could have her inevitable revenge...

"With my psi-powers, I can exchange our psyches!"

A nice nod to the truly godawful story in which Emma Frost, allegedly among the world's premiere telepaths, used a gun straight from the Silver Age to exchange minds with Storm. For more on that titanic clunker, click HERE or read on to find out what happens next...

Using her recent training and innate willpower, Kitty was able to overcome the evil White Queen and they all lived happily ever after. 

The end.

Ow, except for that small, yet incredibly awkward hint Claremont dropped after Illyana's tale, suggesting that Kitty and Lockheed's relationship went a bit deeper than the obvious master/pet one.

"Gee, he's cute."

...Sweet dreams, roomie indeed. 

Days Of Future Mind Control's Ever Present

What better way to open a review about mind control in a semi alternate future than by showing an alternate cover to the tale?

This entry covers the Days Of Future Present story, an arc that ran through the 1990 annuals as the inevitable sequel to the ever so popular Days Of Future Past storyline. Back in Uncanny X-men # 141 and 142, Chris Claremont and John Byrne told a dystopian tale... set all the way in the far flung future of... erm, 2013... In which the Sentinels had taken over North America in their unending pursuit to destroy the mutant threat.

Most of the mutant population had either been killed or forced to live in concentration camps, outfitted with power dampening collars and  guarded by Sentinels who had pretty much taken control of North America. But even within the camps, the flames of resistance still burned. Kitty, or rather Kate, Pryde is seen smuggling in the final component of a jamming device designed to negate the collars so mutants can use their abilities freely. 

So, who had been residing at this particular camp? Apart from Kitty, Storm, her husband Colossus and a disabled Magneto, some of the younger prisoners were Franklin Richards and Rachel Summers, daughter of Scott and Jean Summers.

Franklin and Rachel were passionate lovers, determined to use the jamming device to break free via the Morlock tunnels. But unfortunately, their dreams of freedom were cut short by the Sentinels.

So, Franklin died in this alternate future and eventually Rachel would use her powers to travel through time and reality to join the X-men of reality 616. There, she slowly accepted her new situation and tried to make the best of it... Largely unaware that her fiance was already alive as little more than a toddler, the 1990 annuals addressed this rather odd situation when the adult Days of Future Past Franklin showed up alive and well in the past... Or rather, the then current present.

Using his formidable reality warping powers, Franklin goes about setting right what he thinks is wrong with the past he remembers. In the Days of Future Past timeline, the Fantastic Four only lived in the Baxter Building before the Sentinel uprising, so Franklin reverts Four Freedoms Plaza back to the old FF headquarters along with a similarly old fashioned FF-team. These shenanigans continue on for a while and include the FF, the New Mutants, X-Factor and the X-men before Chris Claremont got to tie all of this into a nice knot with Uncanny X-men Annual 14 and the character of Ahab.

A-who?

...

Ahab is the enemy of the four annuals... a mysterious Houndmaster from the future who was responsible for breaking Rachel and overseeing her training into a mutant seeking Hound unit.

Travelling back to the past (sigh... then current present), Ahab tried to gain control of both the fugitive Rachel and Franklin. Instead, he found himself confronted with their respective parents.

But, like any good villain knows... When life hands you lemons, you capture them and you squeeze long enough til you get mind controlled lemonade. Or minions, whatever happens first.

Ahh... It might be a form of futuristic mind and body control, this still feels like a classic with both their body and mind being twisted into a new, ever so evil shape...

Sticks and stones might break no bones, but chains and spiky collars sure make enslaved meta humans hollah!

Ah, the whole kneeling shtick, along with the slave tattoos on the Invisible Woman... Ahab spares no expense.

But don't think Ahab is the only one using mind control to get what he wants. Future Franklin isn't exactly above it either. Once he's finally met Rachel, he uses his powers to push some buttons. 

Rachel and Franklin manage to get away, only to be captured by Ahab. In the end, it takes the combined effort of the Fantastic Four, the X-men, Cable and the New Mutants and X-Factor to take the Houndmaster down. Ahab flees back into the future, leaving the heroes with quite a few problems on their hands. First and foremost, just who is future Franklin supposed to be?

Sheesh, I've heard of relationships with moochers and leaches, but that's pushing it.

Poor Rachel is denied her shot at happiness, either way.And with only a few pages left in the final chapter of the story Chris Claremont pulls out the ol' Phoenix ex machina trick and uses Rachel's control of the cosmic force to hit the reset button.

The Phoenix reverts Cyclops and the Invisible Woman back to their non-Hound selves and future Franklin releases his hold on his younger self, so all's well that ends well. Even though there are still some people worried the Days of Future Past are still ahead of them, the annual ends on a positive note. 

Beware the Brain Blasted Bratpack

Its New Mutants Annual # 2 and some explanation might be in order. This annual actually preceeds the Uncanny X-men annual covered in the previous post. That book introduced Longshot to the team, this particular tale is usedbring Psylocke in the Marvel Universe proper.

Introduced in 1976 as Captain Britain's mildly telepathic sister, Betsy Braddock had been through through a rather tumultuous decade before this 1986 annual made her an unwitting pawn of Mojo and Spiral. Long story short: Betsy had just recently been blinded by the assassin Slaymaster. While struggling to deal with her new situation, she was abducted by Mojo who outfitted her with bionic eye implants that also served as cameras that allowed everyone in the Mojoverse to look through her eyes in real time.

In retrospect, this single story idea makes Claremont responsible for the world's first ever reality tv show. But this being Big Mojo rather than Big Brother, the producer needed a little more excitement and decided to stir up some mischief for ratings through the medium he knows best: the airwaves.

With Psylocke firmly in his thrall, Mojo made his 616 television debut on a kids' show that swayed a rather eclectic bunch. Some of the New Mutants showed up, joined by Karma's siblings Leong and Nga and last but not least Butch, Darla and Alfie who had previouslyappeared in the Longshot limited series.

Mojo and Spiral already pretty much controlled their minds by the time they showed up, but Mojo decided they weren't quite there yet so he had Psylocke use some previously unknown and never mentioned again super power to empower Karma's brother and sister so they would, well...

By artificially ageing the mind controlled Leong and Nga, Mojo unlocked their superpowers which were a variant of their psyche controlling sister Karma. The siblings were able to mind control and reshape everyone they came across...

Calling themselves the Bratpack after a popular band of 80s actors, they waited around for the New Mutants to come looking for their missing team members. Leong and Nga, calling themselves 'Template', proceeded to use their powers and controlled the team.... with some noteable exceptions.

Only Magma seemed unaffected by Template's mind control whammy. After Doug and Warlock fled the scene, she tried to make a stand on her own. Guess how that turned out? 

With Magma properly subdued, Template can finally add some new members to Mojo's Bratpack.

Magma, however, is still less than convinced.

Her desperate pleas fall on deaf ears, as the New Mutants actually declare to love their new adult lives. Frustrated by the situation, she runs off. In the meantime, Doug and Warlock decided to join  forces in a rather extreme way that is by no means related to mindcontrol at all... *coughs*

Doug and Warlock quickly discover the Bratpack is being mind controlled by Psylocke, who has been transformed into a Mojo-like creature. Despite gaining new powers through their union, the boys still aren't up to the task of taking her down.

 Mojo Betsy yanks their minds out of their bodies and Doug/Lock finds himself in a hellish mindscape that allows penciller Alan Davis to show just how demented the situation really is.

"...We all float down here..."

Allusions to Stephen King aside, the notion of having Mojo's mind controlled victims represented as helpless merry-go-round rides is a brilliant one.

Naturally, Mojo Betsy tries to force Doug/Lock to take his place on the carousel, but he refuses and in the ensueing fight it turns out the demonesque Betsy on top of the roundabout is actually Spiral who has danced her way into Betsy's brain. Guess what happens when the team manages to free Betsy's actual mind...

Look at Spiral making a case for slavery... "Sure, there's no freedom but at least you'll still have eyes."  Betsy doesn't buy into this 'generous' offer and forcibly removes Spiral from her mind. And once she's gone, everyone wakes up... naked. 

Mojo left Betsy with her bionic eyes intact, which she didn't know were actually cameras, and despite her best efforts she can't force herself to claw them out. The annual ends with Betsy deciding to stay at Xavier's school for gifted youngster for the time being, setting up the sequel in the Uncanny X-men Annual we covered HERE. 

Forever young... and mind controlled!

Oy... its like a bad 1980s fantasy film. So, how did we end up in this particular pickle?

Chris Claremont must have written Uncanny X-men Annual # 10 with tongue firmly in cheek. It almost reads as a pastiche to those movies where teens and adults switch bodies like Tom Hanks in Big, Lindsay Lohan in Freaky Friday and most recently Zac Effron in 17 Again. But of course, this annual has that typical Claremontian twist so there's plenty of mind control.

How did the X-men get turned into younger versions of themselves, you wonder? Well, during an otherwise uneventful training session in the Danger Room, the X-men and Magneto got covered in some weird form of ectoplasm when someone just teleported in, along with all that goo.

The mysterious stranger would turn out to be Longshot. But he doesn't really play any part in this story, spending most of it in a coma in the X-men's med-bay. And its not like the X-men or New Mutants have any time to focus on him... the X-men appear to be deaging at an alarming rate. 14 year old Kitty Pryde is turned into a young girl overnight. This prompts Warlock and Cypher to research this change. Of course by merging together... mind control by any other name...

The 'team surpreme' is able to deduce what's causing the X-men's problems but alas... the young X-men appear to be under someone's influence because they act rather irrational.

Nice to see forced infantility hasn't dulled Magneto's mean streak. The soon to be X-toddlers commandeer professor Xavier's limousine as they seek out Mojo and Spiral. Note the dialogue in the last panel. Apparently Kitty's reverted to a pre-potty trained state. Charming. Still, diaper changes or not, the team soon locates Mojo at an old theatre downtown. And he's more than happy to see them.

"Please, sir... may we come in and play?"

"Of course, little wind-rider... That's why I am here... to play with you!"
Mojo luring in a bunch of innocent, googly eyed children with a sadistic smile and the promise he wants to 'play' with them just seems... wrong. Lets just agree any sexual undertones are completely unintended and move on.

Meanwhile back at Xavier's, the New Mutants had recovered from Magneto's whammy and figured it was up to them to save the X-men from whatever evil scheme Mojo was up to. This prompted the X-babies to consider themselves replacement X-men. Figuring they had to take up the mantle, the teen team decided to dress for the part and donned their graduation uniforms for the rescue mission.

Just look at those Art Adams designed costumes. Fair's fair, Cypher's costume makes him look like an off colour Cyclops, Warlock basically mimicks Superman and Mirage's impossibly tall legs in that outfit make her look like a cross between a stripper and an extra from a Cher video.

But the designs for Magma, Karma and Wolfsbane are actually pretty decent. Adams really went to bat designing these, as it turns out, one off costumes. And yet, the design for Cannonball proved to be inspirational to, of all people, Rob Liefeld, when he designed Sam's first X-Force garb.

Anyhoo, Magik uses her, well, magic to locate Mojo and her teleportation powers allow the new X-men to pop right into the theatre Mojo is using as a hideout. As it turns out, the place isn't as deserted as they had expected. In fact, there's a huge crowd waiting for some action... And action is what everyone is about to get when the all new X-men meet their all screwy predecessors...

"... Let the play truly begin!"

Ahhh, yeah... Part of Mojo's de-aging whammy was a mind control spell that bound the X-men to him as they regained their lost years. Of course, that meant they were dressed as twisted versions of themselves. Just look at Magneto, a former victim of the third reich, wearing the uniform of a Nazi soldier. Rather jarring.  But as set ups to exciting fight scenes go, this one's a doozy...

In an interesting twist, Karma actually realises she has the power to possess people. So she should be able to take over the Mojo controlled X-men, right? She first tries that trick on Wolverine, who doesn't seem too fazed at first, even uttering the ironic "Nothin' can hold me!" as he's still under Mojo's influence.

Meanwhile Mirage and Sunspot are having similar problems with Rogue...

You might wonder why the audience hasn't fled during this obvious fight to the death. Well, that's because there's mind control involved there as well...

Spiral mind controls the crowd to stay put... After all, what's a resounding victory really worth without a captive audience to witness your triumph? Unfortunately, the battle goes poorly and the crowd gets restless which forces Mojo to act.

In the end, the former New Mutants are able to reign in the X-men and together they manage to turn the tables against Mojo and force him to retreat to the Mojoverse. The semblance of order restored, Mojo is allowed to close out the story in style...

Fantastic forces of faux pas timing

Chris Claremont sometimes just can't catch a break.

Sure, the man loves his mind control, not to mention an almost criminal amount of hyperbole ridden dialogue per panel. But even he didn't deserve the sheer awkwardness that resonated from his Fantastic Four oneshot Fantastic 4th Voyage Of Sinbad. 

So, what's so awkward about this, you wonder? Well, for one thing there's the September 2001 coverdate. Of course this meant it came out back in July, but having 'September 2001' stamped on an anything really connects it with you know what... Anything that could even remotely be considered inappropriate was censored. Remember how the first Spider-Man movie had to cut that infamous scene that saw Spidey catching a helicopter by spinning a web between the twin towers?

Anyhoo, what did this September 2001 Fantastic Four oneshot deal with?

"I am JIHAD! And you will bow before me."
Ah yes, Jihad, the Arabic word for 'struggle' but more commonly known as the term used for 'holy war'. Talk about painful... Still, lets get to the actual story. The Fantastic Four had just returned from a recent mission and were enjoying some downtime with their children Franklin and Valeria, not to mention nanny Caledonia and Puppy, the teleporting dog. Everyone was sound asleep when they were suddenly attacked in their Pier 4 headquarters by Jihad who teleported them to an ancient Arabic sailing ship.

It didn't take long for Valeria to figure it all out. For those of you wondering why Valeria doesn't look like the toddler we've seen in recent years... Well, this is actually her alternate future teen counterpart, raised by Doctor Doom and his wife, Susan Richards. Yes... I know. Still, the smarts were there. She deduced the FF were supposed to go on a Sinbad style adventure. Lets have her explain it...

Hey ho, hey ho... its off to challenges we go. Actually, the Invisible Woman used her powers to grab the Crystal Casque with very little effort. So, a slightly overconfident foursome sails towards their second challenge and there we have some good ol' mind control and body morphing waiting for them...

Meet Iblis the eternal, mother of djinns and demons. Her gaze is able to turn any creature into either a demon or stone. Three of the Fantastic Four have already fallen victim to her, but she intends to complete the set by turning a man already made of stone.

Ah, the classic claiming of body and soul... forever. Unfortunately for poor old Iblis, Ben had other plans and turned the djinn queen's powers against her.

Talk about borrowing a page from the mythological Medusa's book. With Iblis gone, there were still two more artifacts to win. One was gained after Mister Fantastic used his actual teammates in a game of chess and the other? Well, it involved a giant bird roosting in a giant statue and... Check the dialogue and remember... coverdate September 2001.

Out of all the skyscrapers in New York, the Thing had to mention the World Trade Center?

Wotta revoltin' development indeed!

Getting back to the mind control part of the post... The Fantastic Four were able to find the four artifacts just in time for Jihad to show up and do this.

Keeping the mind controlled wooden forms of Franklin, Valeria, Caledonia hostage, Jihad forces the team to give him the artifacts. But, what's the ship's figurehead doing there? And better yet, who will the team rescue first?

"Benjamin J. Grimm (...) What could have possessed you...?!"

Turns out he really was possessed... by the ship's masthead who turned out to be. Ow, you guessed it...

Teaming up with the mythical sailor Sinbad, the Fantastic Four sail off to confront Jihad who is busy using the artifacts and the mind controlled offspring of both the FF and Sinbad to merge his reality with our own, and making him the absolute ruler of both.

"Double, double... toil and trouble..."

"Fire burn and cauldron bubble!"

Thank heavens for that teleporting puppy you decided to adopt, eh?

Anyways... Jihad is stopped, the artifacts are used to restore Franklin, Valeria and Caledonia to life and Sinbad is reunited with his daughter Dioné. Time to take the team home...

"Mommy! Daddy! It's home!"

Coverdate September 2011 and the Fantastic Four are sailing towards the barely visible image of the twin towers covered in mist.

Just plain awkward... though nothing quite tops the ending...

"Insallah"

Which, really, is a typo... The actual spelling is 'Insha'Allah', or: 'God willing'. What seemed a clever, topical ending in July really ends up leaving a bitter taste in one's mouth a mere two months later.

That concludes this look at Fantastic 4th Voyage of Sinbad, a oneshot plagued by so much bad timing it almost could have been an actual Sinbad fable without the happy ending.

Oh, and for all you conspiracy theorists out there... Did you know you can't spell 'Sinbad' without 'sin' and 'bad'? And the man's an Arab as well... I know. Crazy, right?